Up top!

For those that haven't noticed it yet, I added a page to this blog. If you look up, below the header, there is now a "home" link (for here) and one that says "pretty pictures" for some thinspo pics and vids (yikes, abbreviation). There aren't many pictures and videos up just yet, but some. Enjoy :)

Also, my morning started out FAT!

Last night my husband wanted me to make Chicken Bacon Ranch Pizza. I thought it would be good practice in self-control for me and it was. Last night = Win! This morning = FAIL.

I only ate one piece last night (which is still awful, but if you understood my weakness for pizza, you would be proud). But this morning, there were leftovers.

And this afternoon, there aren't any leftovers.

So gross. I wasn't even enjoying it. My stomach felt awful the whole time I was eating it because it's not used to such heavy greasy foods. And worse even, I felt too sick afterward to work it off. So instead I took a cold shower and then sat in a bath of ice water for an hour. As my body started to warm up the water I would let some of it drain and then add more cold. Once I got to a point that I was shivering for a bit, my stomach felt less in pain so I let myself get out. When I got out, my lips were kind of purple, but I felt a lot better.

The advantage of cold water showering is that my hair is always softer when I get out. :)

You may be wondering why I didn't purge it. There are a lot of reasons.

A few years ago, I made a New Years Resolution to not purge for a whole year. I wanted to stop purging because a) it hurts, b) it ups your risk of esophageal cancer, c) it's HORRIBLE for your teeth (and I have an obsession with oral hygiene), d) knowing I will let myself purge only makes way for more binges.
So that year, I got as far as the end of January without purging.

The next year, I made the same resolution, and made it through almost all of February without purging.
Last year, I made it half-way through March.

But this year I think I can really do it. It's April and I haven't done it and it hasn't been that hard not to. only a couple of times. But even better, knowing I won't let myself purge has made me binge less so I am going to stick to trying not to.