Monday, August 5, 2013

I get mad for stupid reasons

The further I progress in my education, the more often we have to wear "clinic attire". In fact, I start working in the student clinic in the fall and that will require clinic attire every day, which will involve a lot of new clothes. I had one pair of dress pants and a couple of nice shirts that I have been getting by on for a while now, but since I have to wear nice clothes more often, I had to do a little clothes shopping. And here's the new irrational thing that makes me so upset:

I only believe my pants size. 


Let me explain: I am what I would call "bottom-heavy". I'm about 5'10" and I have wide hips and thick legs. Muscular, for sure. But large. So when shopping for pants, I generally wear a 6. Occasionally, depending on the brand, an 8, and in generous vanity sizes, a 4. But in general, I consider myself a 6 as that's the most common pant size I fit into.  
I would classify this is pretty large. In my head, 00 is extra small, 0 and 2 are small, 4 is medium and 6 is large. I don't know how it really works, but in my head, that's how it works. So on the bottom, I am a large. 

Shirts? Well, when I bought "official school clinic" polo shirts, the women's size small was actually a little too wide. I can make it work, but it doesn't fit well. I also bought a couple of button down shirts at the mall. I grabbed a 4 and a 6 off the rack, in case the 4 was too small, but I know I'm smaller on top than bottom so I thought I might fit into a 4. Too big. Both of them. I had to put them both back and get a size 2. 

A bad judge of my own mass? Yep. But here's where it gets irrational. 
I was so mad. I wanted to scream. These fucking shirts are lying! They are all trying to say I'm "small", when in fact, I am monstrous! Some one has devised a plan to make all of the fat people feel good about themselves, so they changed the sizes to read smaller than they actually are! I have perfect logical rationale for this too. I have a shirt in my closet that I have had since probably my sophomore year of college. It's yellow and I like it. But it is a size "large" and it is a little small on me. I can wear it, but it doesn't fit well. That proves it! I am actually extra-large but all the modern-day clothes are saying I'm small so that I will be "content" with my size and spend the rest of my life being fat and dumb and happy like the rest of America, while the smart few who have it figured out will secretly live lives of being tiny and proud in their small bodies and trendy clothing. 

But you can't fool me America. I know I'm a whale. I know I have a long way to go before I'm genuinely skinny again. But I will do it. And you and your size "small" t-shirts can go fuck yourself.