Friday, April 28, 2017

A little yo-yo action

Discouraged with my stagnant weight, I decided to give myself two weeks of eating whatever, whenever. When I have done this in the past, I usually only give myself a week, but I have been wanting to get past my "weekend psychology" as I refer to it, where I restrict so hard during the week and then go nuts on the weekend. Even though I hadn't been doing that with food calories, I was consuming obscene amounts of alcohol every weekend. So two weeks, eating AND drinking whatever I felt like. This whole two weeks concluded with a weekend in Chicago with Husband. I figured it would be a good last hurrah as the place we were staying was only a 10 minute walk from my favorite craft beer bar, and countless amazing restaurants.

I was surprised to find I didn't binge like crazy at any point during those two weeks. Maybe it was a long enough duration that I didn't feel the need. I knew the food would still be there the next day.

I was also surprised to find I only went up to 160 lbs (I knew there would be a gain, I was prepared for worse).

Whether fortunately, or unfortunately, about 10 days into those two weeks, I started feeling inexplicably high all the time (which sounds cool, but going to work every day has been too stressful. I need to be able to focus). The first day it hit me, I thought it was just some kind of stoneover (Husband and I had been smoking in the days prior), but when it didn't go away after two days, I knew something else was up. I thought maybe allergies, but antihistamines didn't help, and long story short, I ended up getting blood work done. They did every blood panel imaginable, CBC, comprehensive metabolic panel, vitamin D status, serum hCG, et cetera. Everything came back normal.

So, as per Husband's suggestion, I decided to do a cleanse. His idea was juicing, but I'm not a big fan of straight juicing for health reasons as the fiber, fat, and protein in solid foods are beneficial for helping you utilize the nutrients in the fruits and veggies, as well as feeding good intestinal flora.

What I decided to do was a variation. I would make two fruit/veggie juices each day, and be allowed to eat as many fruits and vegetables as I want, as well as half of an avocado and 2 oz of some sort of nut or legume (usually almonds or cashews), and drink 2 quarts of lemon water, and 6 oz black coffee each day.

After 4 days of this, I am feeling less high (I wake up each morning feeling normal but by mid morning I'm feeling a little high again) and I am back down to 154. Hoping a few more days of this will get me to 153, but after the past month I'd be surprised. Although I haven't been consuming any alcohol, which was likely the culprit of why I couldn't get below 154, so that gives me a bit of hope.

Even more than not wanting to feel constantly high, I don't want to be fat all summer.

Thursday, April 6, 2017

One whole month

I keep cutting back and cutting back. The past two days, my net calorie intake has been in the negatives. Prior to that, the low to mid hundreds.

And I'm still 154.

And I keep thinking, "maybe it's not negative enough".




How can I exercise away more calories than I eat, (not including everyday living calories) for over a week, and STILL not lose anything.

Meanwhile a close friend of mine, who it already thin, is going through a breakup and documenting how much weight she's lost. A couple of weeks ago, so was 113 (she's probably around 5'3" or something, if I had to guess) and then this morning she was 109.


Why am I still so fat. I can understand a week, or even two, with serious restriction and not losing, but a fucking month? Kill me now.