Thursday, October 27, 2011


First off, this is my first post since I was at 86 posts that I now have more posts than followers (106th post, 105 followers).


Does any one have any insight into dream meaning? I can usually tell from where mine stem but not this one. A few weeks ago I had a dream I was in my friend Erin's wedding but she had two weddings. For the first wedding, all the bridesmaids had to wear white. For the second, we all had to wear blue, but I couldn't find my blue dress. Last night I had a dream about being in Kathryn's wedding. Different location, same thing. Two weddings, the first we all had to wear white, the second we all had to wear blue, but I couldn't find my blue dress. Very odd recurring dream and I can't figure out what it means....

My husband installed Ubuntu on my computer last night. I really like it but I had a small panic attack when he did it without warning me. We had been talking about doing it, but first we had to back up all the files from my computer. Before we did, I had planned to get rid of my thinspo/fitness journals/etc. folders that had all of my ED and related nonsense. And then last night I went into the living room, and there he was, putting it all on his external hard drive. So now my husband has in his possession all of the stuff I never wanted him to find.

In all honesty, I have to be realistic. He is my husband. I don't have any desire to lie to him about this. If he finds out, I will have to talk to him about it and I will do it. But for now, I prefer to keep it to myself. Mostly because he will just think it is stupid. I have posted about this before. And even though I won't lie to him, there are things I don't feel like sharing voluntarily. Oh well. Que sera, sera.

In other news, I start school on Monday. Well, technically Tuesday is my first day of school, but Monday is orientation. It will be so weird being back in school. It feels like so long since I graduated college. I will be working on my doctorate. How grown up.

Monday, October 24, 2011


My blog has now had 3,999 views. So thanks everybody for reading. :)
Maybe I'll start compiling some of my favorite thinspo for when I reach 5,000 views...

Miranda, I strongly encourage eating bison. It's very healthy (particularly if you can find some local organic stuff like we get, but that gets trickier when you get out the the midwest, unless you are in a wealthier area) and it's DELICIOUS! You have to be careful to not overcook it because it doesn't have a lot of fat so it gets a little tough if you cook it too fast or too much, but it's yummier than even the best steak I have ever had. It also is great ground and made into burgers.

In other news, I just got back from a good run. I think it's fall allergies but I have been having a lot of trouble breathing lately. It's not cold enough yet for my asthma to be kicking in so I can only think allergies. This is annoying because my muscles feel great and like I want to run farther/faster but I can't get a decent breath! My diaphragm starts to cramp up and hurt from working so hard to get a breath in because my airways close up but I keep running.

I know this messes with my heart rate and my metabolism so I don't really know my Calorie burn. Daily mile says my run was about 500 Calories but I'm sure that's off in some way. I should invest in a Heart Rate monitor. Any suggestions? I recall many of you posting about them so maybe you can help me out.

As long as I burned 300 calories because between my orange juice and latte today that's what I have consumed.

Weekend Business

All of my mornings begin the same: Roll onto my back. Feel my stomach. Am I bloated? Run my hands over my collarbones, ribs, hips. Any new bones?

We have been enjoying our new espresso machine. Making delicious large lattes in all kinds of fall flavorss for around 200 calories. (Which is higher than when I drink my coffee black or just a splash of half&half, but this is way yummier, and still less than most coffee shops).

Désespérée, the really fancy espresso machines are about 800 dollars at least. But this one works really well and you can get them for about 20 bucks. We have the Krups 963/A.

The problem with my weekends is alcohol. I'm not one to get plastered on a regular basis, but I am a social drinker. Friday night Husband's co-worker invited us to his house for dinner to celebrate their other co-worker's last day at their work. It was fun. I had the self-control to only eat one taco (that was mostly lettuce) even though the meat for it was sooo good and I wanted another, but I knew we would be drinking beer all night. Husband's co-worker and his wife make their own beer (which we want to do too) and it was very tasty so I had a few of those.

Then Last night, Husband wanted to make a nice dinner. So we went to the farmer's market, got some good bison steaks and made those (which turned out great! I can't get over how delicious bison is for such a lean meat) with tortellini and cranberry pecan salads. I also made a tomato bisque but we didn't really end up eating that. We lit candles and drank wine (actually, I drank wine, Husband doesn't really care for wine so he had a stout) and it was a nice meal.

I can feel it today though. It feels like I have a rock in my stomach. I would go for a run but I need to go for a long one and I won't have time until after work.

Monday, October 17, 2011

Gain and Loss

Hello all.

I was out of town last weekend for a wedding in Husband's hometown. It was so great to see every one I hadn't seen in a long time.

I like traveling on a plane because I tend not to eat. I hate traveling in the car because I eat the whole time. Driving out there wasn't so bad because we drove over night and split the driving so I didn't do a lot of boredom eating. He drove the first 6 hours, I drove the next six hours, he drove again the last hour because it was 4:30 in the morning by that point and I could no longer stay awake.

The trip back, however, was during the day and Husband wanted to drive the whole time, which gave me 14 hours to just sit in the car.
I like traveling with Husband. We have a good time and we laugh a lot but sitting in the car for so long really lends itself to boredom eating.

So I gained three pounds over the weekend. But I had lost it all by this past Friday. So, meh.

While we were there, my mother-in-law gave us her old espresso maker. My brother-in-law said it didn't really work so he wanted to throw it out but we thought we'd take it and give it a shot.

Well, there were two things wrong with it: It was missing a piece for the steam attachment to work and it was filthy. The whole machine was clogged up from not being properly cleaned, ever. So husband and I spent this past Saturday morning taking every single piece of this machine apart, removing all the wires and stuff and soaking everything in bleach. We then went to the store and got a sheet of metal to make the little piece we were missing. Once it was all cleaned and re-assembled it looks and works like brand new! So excited because we loooooove lattes but we hate to spend the kind of money required to go to Starbucks or Dunn Brothers or anything (even though sometimes we still do) but now we don't have to! And my favorite part? I control the motherfucking Calories!
I know exactly what is going into these bad boys and I don't have to just trust that the barista is making it according to the website's Calorie spreadsheet standards. Also, I make things that are delicious (I was a barista for a summer a few years ago) with barely half the Calories of Starbucks. Win!

Thank you all for your reading suggestions! I took my Nook to B&N to start reading Kid Rex and so far it's more about her treatment than anything else and it's pretty boring. I think I will have to try reading Insatiable. It is one that I had considered before I came across Kid Rex but I hadn't decided for sure. But now that it has been so recommended, I think I will have to get it.

How's every one doing?

Tuesday, October 4, 2011


I went for another run this morning. It felt really good, the air outside was great. I do have fall allergies that make breathing a little tougher but I find if I am cutting back on my grain consumption my allergies don't bother me as much.

I have tried walking but I really enjoy running more. Plus I have heard that walking doesn't engage your butt quite as much. Some say it does, many say it doesn't so... not quite sure.

I've been looking for a new ED book for my Nook. Haven't read one in a while. Does any one have any suggestions? I would like one that focuses a lot on the ED and not so much just their lives. I started reading Diary of an Exercise Addict by Peach Friedman while I was at Barnes & Noble the other day, but it wasn't interesting enough to purchase. I also started reading Skinny by Ibi Kaslik, but didn't care too much for that one.

I've read Wasted a number of times. Also Unbearable Lightness. Those were two of my favorites. I have also read Wintergirls, Hunger Point and I think a couple of others. They were good. Thin by Grace Bowman looks good but it's not available on the Nook so I think I might hold out a little longer on that one. I'm leaning toward Kid Rex. It looks the most interesting. Has any one read it? Or does any one recommend anything else?

Monday, October 3, 2011

Monday, monday

So I'm feeling a lot better. Thank you every one for you comments.

Konrad, I'm not sure what caused it. My first thought was bad lunch meat (which is not something I normally eat anyway) but it was the last thing I ate before I got sick. Plus, ever since I got sick I haven't really been in the mood for meat. I've eaten a little meat since then, but hardly any. Only thing that makes me think it might not have been the meat was that Husband ate it on the same day and he didn't get sick. And I haven't been to a doctor in forever. I used to go when I was sick, but they never did anything. They would just tell me they weren't sure what the problem was and to come back if I got any worse. Every time. So I just stopped going.

Kitty and Does it even matter, I did accidentally drink too much water once or twice. I tried to keep it to small sips but I was soooo thirsty.

My stomach wasn't great for about a week after the whole debacle so I have probably only been eating about half my normal food intake. On the plus side, I have only gained back two of the five pounds I lost. On the downside, I haven't had much energy for running. I have gone a couple of times but not very often/long/fast. I need to get back out because all of this lack of running the past month has started to make my butt flatter. And we can't have that. My sex drive has been way too high lately to have to deal with the self-consciousness that comes from my butt being too flat. (Husband is really into my butt, and if he is going to be doing all that grabbing it and stuff I want it to be up to snuff)