Saturday, December 29, 2012


Only down half a pound this morning.


Is it possible that I gained that much ACTUAL weight over the holiday?

My thought is this: Sodium and carbs.

I normally don't eat a lot of carbs and I do work out a lot, so maybe that sugar is glycogen being stored (which stores a shit ton of water with it) and I have had wayyyy too much sodium. Even yesterday I had quite a bit.

Hoping this it more water bloat than fat. Otherwise I'm amputating a leg.

Friday, December 28, 2012

The other side

I made it through! Mostly successfully.

Stepping on the scale today, I told myself "As long as it's under _ _ _ lbs, I can handle it"
And I was 0.5 lbs under that number.

The number that put me at about a 5 pound gain.

So I'm 4.5 lbs heavier than I was this time last week, which ordinarily would be a devastating number, however, when I take long trips I tend to gain 2-3 lbs of travel bloat that usually takes less than two days to take off, so that will be gone soon. And the other pound or two I doubt will take more than a week. And since I have nowhere I have to go for the coming week, I'm not going to stress about it.

My only real concern is that I am currently fighting off a cold, I can feel it. So as long as I keep that at bay, I should be able to restrict and exercise plenty to get these pounds off. 

Mom kept her crazy to a minimum during my visit, which was nice. She's a little hard to deal with but I find as long as I just smile and nod and keep my mouth shut while she rambles on about conspiracy theories and how every one in the world (including all of her children) are so beneath her, then everything is fine.
It's only a few days.

Christmas day I ate WAY too much sugar. As most of you know, I am sugar-aphobic. So typically, I don't eat much of it. But Christmas Eve and Christmas day I ate fudge, chocolate, almond bark, almond cake, peppermint bark, pie, ice cream and banana/sweet cream crepes. My body was on total sugar overload and I felt SOOOO sick to my stomach. I can't remember the last time I felt that nauseous. So I purged some of it in the bathroom.

As many of you know, I hate purging, so I wasn't psyched to be doing this, but I'm not counting it as a standard b/p kind of thing that I try to avoid. I didn't bring nearly everything up. Just enough to get rid of the nausea. I thought of bringing more up. It was tempting beyond belief. But I was too worried that I would either a) leave the bathroom thinking "hey, my stomach is now empty, I could probably stuff some more shit down my throat", or b) fall back in to a habit of purging. Neither of which were options I like, so I just brought up enough to quell the nausea. What really sucked is that I have had a giant canker sore in the back of my mouth for almost a week now and so I hadn't been moving my mouth to any large degree (more than was required to stuff my face with sugar) and when I purged I basically pulled my mylohyoid muscle. It hurt so bad! So still had a mild stomach ache, a very large canker sore and now a pulled mylohyoid. I admitted defeat at that point and went to bed.

This brings me to my next point: That instance aside, 2012 will now be my second full calendar year since high school of no purging! And it has been good for me. Fewer binges. Net loss of pounds over the year. Even though I have gone up and down a lot, I'm ending this year thinner than I ended last year which was thinner than I ended the year before that.
I'm still nowhere near the stick figure I was at the end of high school but I have hope. I really do.

Any one making New Years resolutions? I would like to. I didn't make any definitive ones last year, but I think I would like to this year.

Options I am considering:
Drinking more water (some set amount more)
Being more disciplined at getting up early and working out
Something pertaining to my personal appearance. I am one of those people who gets busy and stops putting in effort. That needs to stop.
Monthly weight loss goals
Getting a 4.0 in one of (if not all of) my terms this year at school (I've come close)
Brushing up on my Russian
Begin memorizing some complex textbook (I met a man who had both Guyton's and Gray's memorized. That amazes me)

Maybe I will pick two or three of these and make them more specific and make those my goals.

Friday, December 21, 2012

Here we go

Yeah, my last post was a little weary. I've been feeling kind of weary. Today was a pretty good day though. Better than the last few.

I drink too much.


I could probably be about 3 or 4 pounds slimmer by now if I didn't drink so goddamn much.

I have been losing, so that's good. Remember how I said I gained twenty pounds since last spring?

Well, fifteen are gone.
But the next week is going to be tough.
Christmas, and all.

Luckily (?) we will only be at my folks' house for four days. But my mom has already called me to tell me she is making Cuban sandwiches for Christmas Eve, I am making a roast for Christmas dinner (as I do every year), and she has already made almond bark, fudge and brownie bites.

For any of you readers who have been here a while (maybe even some from way back, before I started my blog over a couple of times) you know my mom force feeds us.
Even Husband, who LOVES to eat, is dreading the amount of food my mom makes us eat. She doesn't stop cooking the whole time we are there and gets all mad if we don't eat every bite. It's not even tempting or pleasant, it's just a stomach ache.

Don't get me wrong, I love my mom's cooking. But it's beyond excessive.
I try to say "hey, put the utensils down and just hang out, we want to spend time with you" (which is half true since half the time she's pleasant and fun, and half the time she's batshit crazy), but she just cooks and cooks away.

At least it's only 4 days. And there will be home made dandelion wine.

Since I'm not taking my computer with me (the only place from where I access this site) I won't be posting until next week. Probably Thursday at the earliest.

So Merry Christmas and best wishes to you all. Good luck with the holidays, and try to find the joy in it! I love you all.

Friday, December 14, 2012

I recently broke through in to the next ten pound mark. Nichole was so right about that. It seems like I can drop pounds so fast in the middle of a ten pound mark but when I get down to the bottom of it, it just hovers forever.

I ran today. 3 miles. My body is getting fatigued more easily though, which sucks. Especially because I want to play rugby. I used to play when I lived on the East Coast but I haven't had time since I moved. Now, I have time but I'm too preoccupied with keeping my food intake low, I know I can't possibly keep up with the team at school and there is a very real chance I would get injured. 

So I just do what I can. I could have managed more than 3 miles but I was running on my lunch break so I was a little pressed for time. My intake has been some black coffee, an egg with hot sauce and a few slices of orange and yellow bell peppers. I know that's not enough if I'm exercising. I'm taking energy from muscle. I know muscle is a great fat burner so it's stupid of me to be going on like I am. But it's the only way I've successfully gotten smaller and right now, that's all I really care to do.

Also, I think we are having fish for dinner. Fish and veggies, which shouldn't be too bad.

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Morning, sunshine!

Although, the sun isn't up yet.

I went to bed at 11 last night but hunger woke me this morning at 4am. By 5, I stopped trying to get back to sleep. I figured I have plenty of things I need to get done so I just got up. It's currently 5:45 and I have gotten a lot done. Laundry, dishes, some cleaning in the kitchen. I'm trying to talk myself into an egg. I know I could use the nutrition and eggs have lots of nutrition. especially since the last two days have been around about 700 Cals and 500 Cals and that has been mostly vegetables and beer. I need some protein. 
For a future healthcare professional, I really suck at health. But every one knows people trust a skinny doctor far more than a fat or even average one. Skinny people. They must be smart. Average has never been good enough.
On the one hand, I'm avoiding the food because I know that Husband and I have a movie night planned tonight and we are going to drink wine and eat dark chocolate because the wine we bought for our "stay-in date night" is intended to be paired with dark chocolate. So I have that to budget for tonight.

But I know that being too hungry for too long will lead to a binge.
Maybe if I have an egg and black coffee I should be okay.
I've also had 20 oz of water since I woke up.

Yeah. An egg. Black coffee. And I'll leave the dressing off of my salad at lunch. Even though I use mostly vinegar and very little oil, I could shave off about 50 Cals by skipping the olive oil.

And maybe I'll run this afternoon. We'll see. Lots to get done.

This is ramble-y. I'm hungry.

Friday, December 7, 2012

Merry Christmas Parties

Nichole S, your comment on my Liebster post made my whole day. I know I have accomplished a good deal, but I am constantly surrounded by incredibly intelligent people that sometimes it feels hard to keep up. When some one says they think I am intelligent it really means alot. :)

Also, Taylor, is your blog hidden? Where are you?

As for my current situation, I had a small binge earlier in the week without really even realizing it until it was too late. We had friends over for dinner and they brought over an ice cream cake which was HUGE and left most of it here.
I had a piece on Tuesday night. 1/16th slice of the cake. I figured, it was a small piece, shouldn't have been more than 350 Cals. Then I looked up the value on Dairy Queen's website: 1/10th slice of the cake (apparently a "serving size") is 750 Calories! Gross! That means I had about 470 Calories in one sugary sitting.
On top of that, I had only two days in the past week that I was under 1,000 Calories for the day. Most days wound up around 1,300.
And I had a particularly busy week so I didn't have time for any good workouts.
So that fact that I was down a pound this morning from last week, I guess I'll count as a success. It's not a huge giant failure, right?

This weekend is going to be tough though. Tonight, there is a Christmas celebration at a town with an awesome distillery, and there is going to be free food/wine/liquor tastings and Husband wants to go. So that means NO eating all day today. Maybe two cups of lettuce for lunch? Probably won't be having and veggies tonight, so, better get a little in beforehand.

Tomorrow night is husband's company Christmas party. He already gets playfully mocked for having such a "hot wife", even thought I don't view myself that way at all, but I knew this night was coming and I would have to get dressed up and I REALLY wanted to be at least 5 lbs lighter than I am now. 10 lbs would be better.

So no eating tomorrow.

Then, Sunday night is a Christmas party at our friends house. Every one is bringing a dish so I volunteered to bring salad. That way I can make a killer salad and not feel awkward eating just that rather than having to "pretend" that some one else's bowl of iceberg lettuce is so delicious. Even so, there will be drinking, and I'm sure I can't escape eating nothing but salad.

So no eating all day Sunday.

But for now, I have to go spend some time putting together a presentation on changes in patterns of motor function that occur in response to the introduction of sensory stimuli.

Nerd out.