Friday, November 30, 2012

I plead the fifth

If I recall correctly, this is my fifth day in a row successfully keeping my intake under 1,000 Calories. The only disappointment, is that most days I have been able to do this and STILL drink. Alcohol helps me sleep without noticing hunger.
Although, the hunger has been decreasing. As my metabolism is, I'm sure.
But I have had 760 Cals today, which means I could have a small drink. But the alcohol might not have much effect in that small of a quantity.


I did go out the other night with Husband. I had two beers and was WASTED. I met up with Husband at the place, but after two beers I was way too drunk to drive home. Husband had to bring me home and we had to go out and get my car later. Kind of a pain.
I acted really shocked that I got so drunk off of two low ABV beers. But in reality, I know it's because I hadn't eaten all day. Husband didn't know this.

So that's a plus. Getting drunk on less Calories and spending less money.

Also, I feel like I sound like an alcoholic. I'm not. But it is a great cure for insomnia so I'll take it.


I was nominated by Nichole S. for the Liebster award! Thanks lady!


- When you receive the award, thank the person who gave it to you, and include their link in your blog.

- Post 11 things about yourself.

- Answer the 11 questions of the person who nominated you.

- Choose up to 11 bloggers with less than 200 followers.

- Create 11 questions for your nominees!

- Inform the nominees of their nomination.

Soooo.... 11 things about myself.... (I've been pretty secretive about my identity in case any one found this blog, but if any one finds it now, they will know for sure it's me after reading this)

I have dreadlocks

I can pick up just about any instrument in the world and learn to play it in a very short period of time

I am in my second year of chiropractic school (if any one was thinking Med school because I refer to myself as a soon-to-be doctor, chiropractors are doctors, we just practice differently. I say this coming from the position current research as well as having two close friends in Med school and let me tell you, they are more similar than you would believe.  This page has a little more insight into the differences in education, in case you are interested)

I'm super ambitious. I'm not happy at the end of the day unless I have gotten a lot done.

I used to be almost fluent in Russian, but I haven't spoken it in years so I can read it and translate some but I'm not as good as I used to be.

In school I have also taken 3 years of Latin, a year of Italian, two years of American Sign Language, a semester of Spanish, a semester of French and a semester of German. I dabble in languages.

Husband and I haven't smoked pot in a long long time. But we met and started spending time together when he sold me weed. That's going to be a great story for the grandkids.

I have had this blog for years. Whenever I felt like getting rid of my blog would magically "cure" my eating issues, I deleted it. I have deleted it three times. But I kind of wish I hadn't because sometimes I want to look back at things and those things are no longer there. So I think I will keep this around a while.

I don't like attention. I know a lot of you want people to notice your weight loss (and that's fine if you do, I don't criticize others' goals) but I do it for myself and I hate when people notice.

I had a very small wedding that upset some of my friends because it was family only, but that goes along with how much I don't like a lot of attention. I am happy to go to some one else's big wedding but I am really uncomfortable when all of that attention is on me.

I am obsessed with nail polish and painting my nails. I don't even care if my nails are painted or not. I just enjoy the process of painting them. 

Here are the 11 questions I have to answer
1. Tell the story of your most embarrassing moment.
Okay, so I have a LOT of embarrassing moments, but I will share this one because I was just telling it last night and it's fresh in my mind. It may not be my MOST embarrassing, but it's food related so you guys will enjoy it. 
When In lived in Pennsylvania, I used to travel up to Maine to visit my parents a lot. It was a ten hour drive and I would usually stop off this particular exit in Connecticut because it had a grocery store right off the highway with decent bathrooms and cheap snacks and drinks where I could get some good fruit or veggies instead of potato chips or what have you. Well, one time I decided that instead of eating fruit, I would a a container of frosting. Gross, I know, but I was in binge mode. So I walk up to the checkout with a tub of Rainbow Chip frosting and a package of plastic spoons (could it be any more obvious what I was doing?). The lady at the register noted the frosting and asked if I was making a cake? I panicked because I wasn't expecting any one to ask what the frosting was for (and come on lady, I'm buying frosting... and spoons) so I awkwardly made up a lie about making a cake for my nieces birthday.  And left. 
On my way back down to PA, I stopped there again, but this time I bought grapes. I didn't recognize the lady at the checkout, even when she asked me how the birthday party went. I looked at her, confused, and started to tell her I thought she had me confused with some one else. Until it clicked in my head what she was referring to. At which point, I quickly said "oh OH! Yeah, my niece, almost forgot about that. Ha, it's been such a crazy busy few days I almost forgot what I did!" She gave me kind of a weird look but then smiled and said "Yes, life does get busy!" so I guess I sort of played it off. But not really. Then I left, red-faced and awkward.  
2. Do you have any brothers or sisters? How many?
I have a sister who is one year older than I am and a brother who is two years older. Our birthdays are even within a few weeks of each other so we are each almost exactly a year apart. My sister has an eating disorder. She has a BMI of about 15.5 and I look like a whale next to her. She knows me better than any one. 

3. Talk about your hobbies/favorite activities.
I was a dancer most of my life. I took and taught classes for many years and was part of a small company for a while. I miss it. I also love snowboarding. And SCIENCE! I love science. I spend a lot of my free time reading Scientific American and other nerdy things. I am currently reading the book The Neurodynamics of the Vertebral Subluxation by A.E. Homewood and it is FASCINATING!

4. What's your dream job?
Chiropractor! My view of what chiropractic is since starting school has been radically changed and I am so excited to be a part of the field. I used to think chiropractic was all musculoskeletal diseases but it also successfully treats so many things from ear infections to behavioral disorders. I love it. 

5. What are some things you hope to accomplish before you die?
Have my own practice, live in Colorado, reach 112 lbs (which on my almost 5'10" frame is a bit underweight without raising too many eyebrows)

6. What was your favorite childhood TV show or movie?
Boy Meets World
7. If you could remove all the calories from any 1 food, what would it be?
Mac 'n' cheese! All varieties! I could eat it until I turn into it. 

8. If you were a super hero, what would your super power be, and what would your super hero name be?
I would like to be invisible. And I wouldn't need a super hero name because no one would know I had the power to become invisible.

9. What does your ideal vacation look like?
Snow! Lots of drinking and snowboarding and walking in the snow and mittens and scarves and a cozy fireplace and my husband with me and no work hanging over my head.

10. Describe the first time you ever drank alcohol or took drugs.
First time I ever smoked pot. I was at a friend's house and we were playing a smoking game (like a drinking game, but with bong hits) and we had my friend's bong collection scattered around the room and on the tables etc. Then, some of our friends had called and said they had just arrived and could we open the door for them. So a minute later, I hear a knock on the door. Thinking it was our friends, I open the door wide open, in clear view of all of the glasswear, and there are two cops. 
I froze.
Apparently one of the neighbors called in a noise complaint from our "party" (which wasn't even a party, there was no music or anything, it was just a few people hanging out), even though we weren't being loud, I don't think they liked the conversation they heard on the balcony. So, after the cops CLEARLY saw what was going on, my friend talked to them in the hall (even though we were all clearly baked out of our minds) I think the cops knew we weren't causing trouble so they just let it go. It was kind of a sketchy neighborhood. They had bigger fish to fry. But our friends who had called started to freak out because they were high too and walked right past the cops in the hall of the apartment building with a lot of weed on them. 
Scary situation, but fortunately, didn't lead to trouble. 

11. What's your favorite thing about your home town?
It's small, with warm summers and snowy winters, located about 40 minutes from a bunch of large mountains and ski resorts and an hour from the ocean. Pretty ideal. 

So now, some nominees and my questions for them....

1. Where would be your favorite place to live?
2. What (alcoholic beverage) do you typically drink?
3. Are you still friends with your childhood best friend?
4. What movie could you watch over and over and not get sick of?
5. Tell me about your first kiss.
6. What is your favorite pair of shoes?
7. Have you ever been out of your home country? If so, where?
8. Do you have any siblings?
9. Do you have a favorite low-cal food or recipe that you frequently eat?
10. Do you have any weird quirks?
11. Do you have any favorite holiday traditions?

As for the nominees, I know some of you have been nominated multiple times, so feel free to do any part or all or none of this, I just thought I would pass it on :)
Also, I know a few of these folks haven't posted in forever. Maybe they will come back. Maybe they won't. But I thought I would nominate them anyway :)

Nichole S.
Used for : glue

Saturday, November 17, 2012

Never good enough?

So, I haven't eaten yet.
It's only 9am.

And I thought if I went for a run, I would feel accomplished to have burned calories on an empty stomach.

Ran 4 miles.

About 473 Calories. Give or take.

But I still don't feel like I accomplished anything. Although, the fresh air was nice. And I run on a local trail that is pretty busy in during the day, but I was running by 7am and no one around here is awake by 7am. So I had the world to myself. That felt good.

Shower. Christmas shopping. Studying.

Aaaaaand..... go.

Friday, November 16, 2012


Today I have had 34 oz water and 16 oz black coffee.

I almost ate this afternoon but I didn't have anything particularly important I needed to focus on so I just had coffee instead.

I could've eaten something, especially because Husband wants to go to the gym tonight, but I had some fruit and a granola bar yesterday thinking we were going to the gym and then Husband came home and said he was too tired.
We then ate pizza.

 Putting my Calories over 1,000 yesterday with no work out.

So I haven't had any Calories today so far (except the few that are in black coffee but I figure they are pretty negligible) because I know husband wants spaghetti for dinner. I am going to make myself a salad and put just vinegar on it and then have maybe an ounce of pasta with some sauce. It kind of depends on whether or not we go to the gym tonight tho.

(Also, FitBit lowered my Calorie goal again... This morning it said I should only consume 942 Calories... I'm thinking what it is doing is coming up with a goal on what my Calorie burn is and what I should consume based off of the weight goal I set in it. That might make more sense. But by this afternoon it changed its mind and said I could have 1,149 Calories so really I have no idea what it's doing. For now I am just using it as a personal log of how many I consume and not really paying attention to the numbers it sets as my "goals")

Thursday, November 15, 2012

More Fit Bit

Miranda and Taylor, thanks for your comments. It's still acting a little weird (still seems to fluctuate) but it hasn't been as drastic so maybe it's just figuring out how many calories I should be eating as it gets my patterns? Or it's just guessing how many Calories I am going to burn and then changes it what I haven't burned that many? I don't know.

Either way, yesterday was pretty good. Even though Fit Bit "recommends" that if I want to lose 2 lbs per week I have to eat around 1,100 Cals I am trying to keep it under a thousand, just to be on the safe side. Yesterday started out great. By 7pm I had consumed 52 oz of water and eaten 217 Calories. I then went to the gym and burned 350 (still wish I could stay there longer. Would rather be burning at least 500 each trip... oh well) so that was a pretty good deficit. Then (or course) dinner with Husband which was chicken, vegetables and a glass of red wine. I didn't finish the last couple of oz of wine because I had 6 oz of chicken and some fairly starchy vegetables, so when all was said and done, dinner was about 600 Calories (I always overestimate, but it was definitely more than 500) which kept me under 1000 for the day.

Today I have been having some trouble focusing (it's been a while since I restricted this successfully) so I wound up having a granola bar this afternoon because I still have so much work to do, but I am at 360 Cals so far today which means a) I need to run and b) no booze tonight. I didn't earn it.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

FitBit is fucking with me

I downloaded the app for my phone so that I could log my water intake, Calories consumed and Calories burned. Yesterday I kept my intake around a thousand and I went to the gym in the morning (did cardio and strength) and then did more strength stuff at night, so when I went to bed it said I had an 800 Calorie deficit. Now, I know this is approximate, but with my current knowledge I would say it was probably somewhat accurate to how many I actually burned yesterday, and still an 800 Calorie deficit with a little thumbs up on the screen telling me I did a good job was nice to see. Then today, I flipped back to yesterday's log to remind myself how good it was to see that huge deficit, and it totally changed the number of Calories it said I burned so it said I ate 100 Calories more than I burned. (meaning FAT gain!)

Fucking app! You're messing with me and I don't appreciate it.
If it happens again, the app has to go.

Any one ever had this problem, or know of a good similar app in case I get rid of this one?

Thursday, November 8, 2012

So far so good. I guess...

Got up ten minutes earlier today than usual, which meant an extra ten minutes of running at the gym. I think tomorrow I will just lift. I have only done cardio this week so I need to get in some strength stuff. This afternoon was pretty miserable. For some of my classes we have to wear professional attire for exams so I had to go buy dress pants and dress shirts. Not only am I in the double digits in pants now, but I have the worst build. Tall, with hips. I have always had this problem but at least when I was skinnier there were dress pants in a size "long". They only had sizes 0, 2 and 4 in long. And I am now a fucking 10. What's worse is that I would be an 8 but all of the pants were too short, so I had to go up a size to get the length but now they are a little big in the waist and still tight in the hip and just barely long enough. Seriously. I was shopping for hours and I swear I tried on every pair of pants within a 20 mile radius. I'm awkwardly proportioned. I need to get skinnier so I can at least buy pants in a "long" again. This 5'10" frame is very unforgiving.

 At least I hardly ate today. I burned about 400 calories at the gym (which is not awesome, I prefer marathon workouts but time it limited, so something is better than nothing).
So that 400 calories negates the food I had.
I am currently drinking a beer to fill my empty stomach and give me a buzz to calm down my clothing shopping frustrations. I know beer is far more fattening than liquor. We have liquor, but liquor tends to make me eat and the 250 calories in this beer are less than I would likely consume if I was drinking vodka or gin. All right. I'm out.

Time to work on Pathology and Renal Physiology.


P.S. If you like Christmas thinspo, I posted a video with a song I like on the "pretty pictures" page of this blog. Should be the first video on the page. 

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

New favorite!

Yes, yes. New favorite!
So, I don't know how well you can read the label on the bottle in the picture, but I have been drinking this Aronia juice every day. I buy it in the store in a concentrate. One tablespoon colors 2 litres of water the dark color you see in the glass. And at 44 Cals per tablespoon I can take my 1 L Nalgene bottle to school and sip on that for hours and only consume 22 Cals. Bonus: Aronia has an ORAC value over 16,000!!! So hopefully I am getting a bit anti-oxidized in the process. Haha. This is a good start. So for the past week I have been taking to school a granola bar (190 Cals), carrots (70 Cals) an apple (110 Cals) and my aronia juice (22 Cals). I usually have coffee at some point throughout the day but that is black so I don't count it. So that's about 400 Cals for the better part of the day, which is great, but dinners haven't been awesome. It's hard to eat an early dinner because Husband often doesn't get home until later but I have been doing a better job of making super healthy meals and keeping my portions small. I think I have lost a little but I'm not weighing myself until Monday, so we will see. Also, I've finally wised up and weigh myself weekly on MONDAYS. I used to weigh myself on Fridays because I knew I would usually have something high in sodium and carbs over the weekend and would see that on the scale on Monday. But now I am using it as motivation to stay smart over the weekend by knowing I have to weigh in on Monday. I was down 3 pounds this past Monday. Hopefully at least another two by the coming Monday. I figure 2 pounds a week ought to be good. I will be satisfied with that. It won't get me quite to where I want to be by Christmas. I will be seeing my sister, who has a BMI of around 15 so my "normal healthy" body type looks like an absolute whale next to her. And it is Christmas, so there will be pictures. Can't let that be terrible.

Monday, November 5, 2012


My motivation is coming back nicely. I stopped gaining, which is a start. Now it's time to get back to losing.

I feel like I need a plan. But I can't think of what. Is any one doing anything exciting?

Husband's BMI was a blessing to me. I HAVE to work out (seriously, my Calorie count doesn't mean shit if I'm not working out. I have never successfully lost a single pound without exercise. I don't know how some of you girls do it) if I want to lose weight. But with my school schedule and Husband's work schedule, I hardly see my husband as it is and I always feel guilty taking time away from him to work out. I have asked him to workout with me, but he never does.

Then, he had a re-evaluation at the chiropractor and found out his BMI is just slightly into the "obese" range.

Now, none of you know my husband, but if you did, you would in no way consider him obese. He is about 5'9" and weighs about 200 pounds. His job is VERY labor intensive and he has a lot of muscle mass. He has a kind of a gut but he wears a size medium and his pants are generally a 34 in waist. But that fact that he is in the "obese" range totally freaked him out. he immediately got a gym membership which allows him to bring a guest with each visit (since I don't need one because my school has a gym, which he would use but the hours aren't compatible with his work schedule). So he asked me if I would help him get up at 5 every morning and go with him to the gym. YES! So for the past two weeks, we have been getting up a five and working out for an hour before work and school. So that's workout motivation.

Now I just need to figure out eating.
The toughest part is that I'm rarely hungry in the evening so I'm fine to not eat at night, but Husband likes to have dinner together so then I end up eating with him.  Hmm... Need to figure this out. Any suggestions? Any one doing anything fun?