Wednesday, April 20, 2016

Weirdly territorial

The weather has been getting nice which means people are coming out of hibernation. Every one has been trying on their spring and summer clothes and realizing they got fat over the winter and are now outside trying to run off the pounds. Most of them will give up. Whenever the weather starts to get nice, you always see people outside EVERYWHERE crowding the sidewalks and trails. By August there will be hardly any one. This has made me weirdly territorial. I ran all through the winter, even when it was 20 below zero outside. I bundled up and dealt with my Raynaud's and pressed forward through the cold and snow, and I have been rewarded with last year's summer clothes being too big for me. I had to go out and buy new shorts. 
The territorial thing comes in when I am out running in public and have to maneuver around people who are in my way. I feel like because I run when it's cold and dreary outside, I have staked my claim to the local sidewalks and trails, and these asshole are fair-weather runners and need to move out of my way. I don't want to be this way. I want to be welcoming and say "hey! welcome to the great outdoors!" but knowing that they are only out there temporarily thinking this will be it, this will be the year I finally get into running and in three weeks will completely throw in the towel, I feel about like all you gym rats when it's time for people to make New Year's resolutions and take up all the treadmills at the gym for the first three weeks of January. 

Monday, April 11, 2016

Not despair, just exhaustion.

As is often the case, I've been wishing other people would post on here more, but haven't actually been posting myself. We're almost halfway through April.

I don't feel any smaller.

Which is getting increasingly more difficult to take because I'm getting tired. I'm running about between 30 and 40 miles each week, as well as doing yoga 3-4 times a week and PiYo twice a week. I'm keeping my intake between 600-1,000 and I'm soooo tired. I could just sleep all the time. I want a full day with no responsibilities so I can take some vicodin or something else I have kicking around and just sleep all day. I really wish I could sleep without the drugs, but no matter how late I go to sleep or how tired I am, I can't sleep past 6 am. Most days I'm awake by 5:15. Don't get me wrong, I like being a morning person, I really enjoy mornings. If I could fall asleep by 7pm I would love to, but I'm terrible at sleeping, even when tired. And I want every night to take something to help me sleep but I fear dependency so I typically just lie awake for hours and then wake up and start my day shortly after. Is living in an exhausted haze really superior to narcotic dependency? Not so sure. Really I just want to not have to move.

Friday, April 1, 2016

First of the month fool

Well, it's weigh-in day and I'm happy to be down at all. The first two weeks of March I was great about restricting and running off what I did consume, but I think the cardio has been catching up with me because the past two and a half weeks all I think about all day long is carbs! Bread, pasta, even candy and and don't even like candy.

So today, fearing a re-gain of everything I might have lost at the beginning of the month, I was a little relieved to see 163.0. At least it's down. It's still not great. Any one can lose three pounds in a month. I should be doing that in a week.

Most of my major calorie intake seems to happen at night, so I took a job as a bartender for now. I didn't want to have to work every night because I do want to spend time with Husband, but a friend of mine who is a manager of a local brewery asked if I would be willing to work two or three days a week. I'm not a night owl but he's a friend and said I could pretty much pick the times I want to work so hopefully not too many really late shifts (even though that's where all the good money is... the late night drunks are the best tippers). It will be some decent money and keep a couple of evenings too busy for stuffing my face.

All right, even though yesterday I was up for 24 hours straight and spent twelve of those on my feet - I'm tired, my legs are tired - only being down three pounds in a month is motivating me to go out for a run. May 1st needs a better number.