Friday, January 25, 2013

Wasted time

I just spent an hour looking through old pictures of myself and cursing myself for no longer being that skinny.

If I had spent that hour running, I would be that much closer to looking good again.

Tuesday, January 22, 2013


I failed an exam today.

It's my own damn fault too. I just didn't study enough.
I had the time.
I didn't do it.

And I thought this term I would get my first grad-level 4.0

But after failing this exam, the highest grade I can get in this class now is a B. Which kills the hope of a 4.0


 I'm going to go run until I pass out.


Thursday, January 17, 2013

It's hard to be normal

Having grown up around all manner of disordered eating, and having eating problems of your own as well, you sometimes forget how abnormal you are.

Until some one asks you how long you take to eat.

A classmate and I had plans to get together yesterday to study for an exam we had today. We were going to meet up at 4:30 (which was perfect because that was right after class and we usually end up studying until close to midnight, so it's a great distraction from dinner) but he called me around 4:30 and said that he was hungry and how about we meet up after we've gotten something to eat. The conversation went something like this.

Classmate: So, we should eat first, and then meet up to study
Me: Okay, yeah. Sounds good.
C: So, how long do you need to eat dinner?
Me:  ..........
C: Is that okay?
Me: What? Oh. Yeah. What did you say?
C: How long do you need to eat dinner?
Me: Um.... how about.... like, 20 minutes?
C: ...*pause*..... How about we meet up in an hour?
Me: Oh. yeah. 5:30? That sounds good. See you then.**

Fuck. I'm an idiot. See, if the question had been "How long does it take you to ingest 5,000 Calories?" the answer would have been "five minutes." If the question had been "How long does it take you to eat half a sandwich?" the answer would have been "all day".

But "dinner"? Typically I either eat dinner with Husband, make myself a portion 1/3 the size of his and eat it in the time it takes him to eat his (I've never timed this interaction), or I don't eat dinner (seriously, I hate dinner, I am never hungry at "dinner time" and I prefer to go to bed a little hungry, but eating meals together is supposed to be so vital to a long healthy relationship, and I do like his company).

So I just made a guess.
But one hour. I'll make a mental note of that.

** I ended up leaving school, going and putting gas in my car and then taking the long way to my favorite coffee place to get a coffee. That killed an hour