Thursday, June 18, 2015

"Yeah but you're not fat.... she's fat."

I have been doing some horrible, horrible binge eating lately. It's honestly all I want to do. All I dream about is sitting on the couch, watching Netflix and stuffing my face. And I have been doing a lot of it too.

Last fall I was nearly 20 lbs lighter than I am right now, I had clear skin, and could run a marathon. Today I am at my highest weight in 4 years, my skin looks like shit and running 4 miles takes a lot out of me.

The thing about being tall is that a lot of weight can creep up on you (I say "creep up" as though it just came upon me without my consent... I did this) without it being too noticeable to the general public.  Even though my clothes that were big on me last year are almost too small, I haven't yet needed to buy new clothes. And two days ago, I was wearing a shirt that sort of clung to my figure and my office manager commented that she thought my waist looked small. Realistically, it's probably just because my ass has gotten so large, but the way it was worded made me feel a little better.

Also, last week I was volunteering with my church and working with some kids and I got into a conversation with a 2nd grader about cheese. She was saying how much her sister loves to eat cheese and I told her that I like cheese too. She said her sister could eat a lot of cheese and I said I could eat a lot of cheese too. Then she said to me about her sister "Yeah, but you're not fat.... She's fat."

Knowing the general 2nd grader's propensity toward blatant honesty, I'm going to say that maybe she thinks I'm actually not fat. And by medical standards, I am still in the "normal" BMI range, though I am literally the the very highest I can be. If I gain even half of a pound, I will officially be medically "overweight". FML if I reach that weight. I could honestly wake up tomorrow legitimately (not just psychologically) overweight. Scary.

And next weekend, Husband and I are supposed to be going to a music festival with another couple that we know, the wife half of which is super skinny, even after having a baby a few months ago. So I imagine her husband will spend a good deal of the weekend feeling sorry for my Husband that he is stuck with such a gross fat slob. And if you think men don't sit around comparing wives, you're wrong. I've spent enough time as "one of the guys" (my love of beer, greasy food, and dirty humor plugs me right in with them) to know that they do, in fact, sit around comparing wives. So if you weren't insecure before, hopefully you are now.

Time to go run.