And I'll eat everything in the fridge.
My morning started out great! 6am, the alarm goes off, my husband rolls over, puts his hand on my stomach, lifts up and blanket and says "wow, you are skinny".
That was better than sex. If only every morning could start that way.
But I have to go to a cookout tonight. The people that will be there are nice so I'm not loathing the idea, but the thought ended up screwing over my diet.
But, knowing that I would most likely be eating more carbs tonight than I should, I figured I would break my diet a little today and have some fruit. Because I LOVE fruit.
So I ate a kiwi. And let me tell you, as I bit into it and the juices flooded my mouth, my eyes closed. I muttered "holy fuck... this is the best fruit I have ever tasted. I'm ruined"
Those words inadvertently came spilling out of my mouth. It took me a second to realize what I just said.
So not stopping there, I started digging into the mandarin oranges that have been staring me down all week.
After several spoonfuls, I felt... satisfied.
I put my spoon away, put the fruit back in the fridge and walked away.
Now, had I stopped there, things would have been good. I would have gone about my day and felt absolutely fine.
But instead, I went over to the cupboard and pulled out my jar of raw unfiltered honey (the YUMMIEST treat everrrr).
... Two spoonfuls...
Into my stomach.
Followed by a handful of Teddy Grahams.
Followed my spoonfuls of Peanut Butter and Strawberry Jam.
Now I get why they tell you to ease your way back into eating sugar.
My head started feeling dizzy and my eyes couldn't focus. What's happening?!
Then my stomach started to turn. I felt like I was going to throw up.
I went into the bathroom hoping that I would. I was SOOO tempted to purge but a) know I have almost made it to May without doing that and b) understanding how quickly sugar enters the bloodstream anyway I certainly wasn't going to MAKE myself throw up. But if it came up on it's own... Well that would just be perfect.
I leaned over the toilet and waited. Waited.
If only I hadn't just cleaned the bathroom. If only my toilet smelled wretched and IT made me throw up.
So now I am sitting here, head still spinning from the rush of sugar and not wanting to put jeans on and go out because I feel so bloated and disgusting.
Today = Failure. Tomorrow will be better.