And Kitty, that's part of the problem. My mother's weight fluctuates a lot because she is so fucked up about food too and she HATES it when people are thinner than she is. Really, whenever I visit, I always hope she is thin because if she is, she is less likely to force-feed every one else. But when other people are thinner than her it makes her determined to fatten every one up. Yes, I'm sure part of it is associating food with love and she is trying to show "love" to our family by feeding us, but mostly it's a skinny thing because when she is thinner, she doesn't do it. She just wants every one else to be fatter than she is.
Yesterday went well. I started off my morning reading through some of Ana Regzig's blog. Always so motivating. So, with no food in my stomach, I went outside and ran 13 miles. It's crazy how a little motivation can spur an incredible run. For the rest of the day all I had was a "refuel" protein shake (180), coffee (0), almond milk (30), salad with mustard/vinegar and feta cheese (150) and a very small portion of chicken and sugar snap peas (300? Not totally sure). Oh and lots and lots of water. And it paid off. I woke up this morning at a fantastic weight! Lower than I was expecting and I didn't even feel dehydrated.
Today started off well. I did wake up hungry but made myself a large "iced latte" of unsweetened almond milk and strong iced coffee for about 50 calories. Since we are leaving on vacation today, I figured I would also eat up the last of most of the vegetables before we left since a) they will spoil while we are gone, and b) I want to get plenty of fiber because my bowels tend to slow a lot when I travel and I don't want to be all bloated and backed up while on vacation. So my intake was mostly almond milk and vegetables, and I figured I would leave it at about that because I pretty much never eat anything when I travel anymore. But then I went to my neighbor's to give him a key to our place while we're gone. He asked me if I would like any cookies that his wife just made. I lied and said I had already been eating cookies today and that I shouldn't. He said okay and left it at that. A few minutes later, his 4 year old daughter came up to me with a tray full of warm cookies and offered me one. I tried to turn them down, but she was persistent so I had one. Ugh. I tried to nibble it slowly so as to be able to bring it inside my house and throw it away, but the neighbors were chatty and I felt like an ass just standing there holding a slightly nibbled on cookie. So I ended up finishing it. Which totally sucks, because I haven't gotten any significant exercise today, nor will I before I am on the beach in a bathing suit TOMORROW. Hopefully I won't have any more run-ins with food between now and then.
Either way, now that I have these "incognito windows" on this computer, this is the only place from which I will blog and I am not taking this laptop with me. I will be gone for two weeks so you won't hear from me until sometime after July 4th. So good luck with the holiday to my American friends! We all know it's not a party without booze and fattening food, so let's do our best to make excuses and not feel obligated to partake. Sound good? Okay.