Going out of town tomorrow morning so visit my family. It's always interesting. Often unfortunate.
Since I likely won't be on here while visiting them, I'll have to catch up with you all when I get back next week. Good luck at whatever Christmas celebrations you may be attending.
Monday, December 21, 2015
Saturday, December 19, 2015
Mostly stuck to the plan
Well, last night I didn't go as overboard as I worried I might, but it wasn't exactly as I had planned; a fact made worse by the added facts that I ate a few bites of rice and beans yesterday afternoon, AND my run got cut short after 2 miles because for some reason I kept having to shit all day long. (Why, I don't know, I hardly had anything in me to evacuate, but my body seemed to think it was urgent)
So then when I got to dinner, I had two beers and a slice of pizza, but the table also ordered Italian Nachos and I got dished up a small plate. Luckily, the friends I was with love those, so no one was really in the mood to share so I was given only about two nachos, but with all the cheese, pepperoni, and sausage on them it was easily a couple hundred added calories -- ones I would much rather have consumed in another beer.
And then, when I got home, for some reason I decided to have three more bites of the leftover pizza (something I was hoping we wouldn't have gone home with).
Stupid.
ESPECIALLY because this morning I looked up the Calorie count of ONE SLICE of the pizza I had. I was seriously hoping it was no more than 450 (it was deep dish, but I was being optimistic). NOPE. 530 Calories in ONE SLICE. That easily puts my calorie count for dinner alone at over 1,000. This does not include the probably 150-200 calories of rice and beans I had this afternoon.
FML. So much more work to do before I leave for my parents' house on Tuesday for the holiday.
So then when I got to dinner, I had two beers and a slice of pizza, but the table also ordered Italian Nachos and I got dished up a small plate. Luckily, the friends I was with love those, so no one was really in the mood to share so I was given only about two nachos, but with all the cheese, pepperoni, and sausage on them it was easily a couple hundred added calories -- ones I would much rather have consumed in another beer.
And then, when I got home, for some reason I decided to have three more bites of the leftover pizza (something I was hoping we wouldn't have gone home with).
Stupid.
ESPECIALLY because this morning I looked up the Calorie count of ONE SLICE of the pizza I had. I was seriously hoping it was no more than 450 (it was deep dish, but I was being optimistic). NOPE. 530 Calories in ONE SLICE. That easily puts my calorie count for dinner alone at over 1,000. This does not include the probably 150-200 calories of rice and beans I had this afternoon.
FML. So much more work to do before I leave for my parents' house on Tuesday for the holiday.
Friday, December 18, 2015
Results
Well, this morning was the weigh-in. I'm down 13 pounds in the past month. I would be more excited about this if I wasn't about to spend a week at my parents' house. And if those 13 pounds weren't just barely dropping me into the category of a normal BMI. Holy shit, I got so fat. Seriously, the most I have ever weighed in my life.
Anyway, I need to get a lot of activity today and eat nothing all day because a group of us are going out for beer and pizza tonight. I, of course, don't want to, but I'm putting on a happy face and saying "oh yay, pizza, I'm so excited." Fortunately, one of the couples with whom we are going out, are people that we have not seen in ages, so there will be lots of talking and laughing and it should be possible to get away with two beers and a piece of pizza. Really, I should be shooting for one beer, and that is theoretically doable, but you know how much I like my alcohol. It just means I need more activity today to burn it off.
Anyway, I need to get a lot of activity today and eat nothing all day because a group of us are going out for beer and pizza tonight. I, of course, don't want to, but I'm putting on a happy face and saying "oh yay, pizza, I'm so excited." Fortunately, one of the couples with whom we are going out, are people that we have not seen in ages, so there will be lots of talking and laughing and it should be possible to get away with two beers and a piece of pizza. Really, I should be shooting for one beer, and that is theoretically doable, but you know how much I like my alcohol. It just means I need more activity today to burn it off.
Thursday, December 17, 2015
Being polite
Like many of you who expend effort to abstain from sustenance, I try to make the rations I do consume, nutritious and low Calorie. (That, or make a public show of visually shouting "hey every one, look at me, I am eating, and the food is "normal" like all of yours, and I am definitely not starving myself ever")
And as I have mentioned before, I have been spending a good amount of time with a Somali family I know. And as also mentioned, it is polite to share food and drink. This would not be so bad, had she offered me a glass of water and some of the carrots she had in her fridge. Unfortunately, after I watched her children for a couple of hours, I decided to stay and visit with her. (I can't imagine how lonely she must be, she has only been in the States about a month and still doesn't speak English)
As is customary, she sat a plate of food and drink out for me. The Food: White bread and mayonnaise sandwich. The Drink: Black tea (which wouldn't have been so bad, except for: ) LOADED with milk and sugar. Seriously, she puts about a cup of sugar in a quart of tea.
Trying not to be rude, I ate the sandwich (because fat scares me less than sugar) and then tried to sip the tea. My stomach was lurching from the rush of sugar. And it tasted terrible. Fortunately, she began telling me stories about her time in Somalia and Ethiopia, and because of the language barrier, it took a lot of concentration and focus to figure out what she was saying, and I managed to only drink about a third of the cup of tea.
It was still certainly more refined sugar than I am used to, which hit me about an hour after I got home. I crashed hard on the couch and woke up only when Husband came home from work nearly an hour later.
Fortunately, he had to be somewhere at 6 pm and I had to be somewhere at 6:30 so didn't have time to have dinner together. Unfortunately, when I got home, he had been making rice, beans, sausage, and cheese, which I did give in to and had a few bites of.
So yesterday wasn't great, but Husband is gone during the day, and I will be gone when he gets home until later in the evening, so today should go more smoothly. And let's hope it does, because tomorrow is my weigh-in for one month since I began restricting hard again.
Monday, December 14, 2015
Graying out
Had my first gray out in a while. I don't mean this in the drunk sense of the word, but rather the restricting sense.
After having all of the food I consumed yesterday, I certainly wasn't going to eat this morning, but I know I had a couple of drinks yesterday too, so I figured that even though I drank quite a bit of water before bed last night, I would drink more than usual this morning in case I had some lingering dehydration. I went to the mall to look for a couple of sweaters because the few things I own that fit me are a good 5-6 years old and I really hate wearing because the styles are very outdated. I'm certainly nowhere near what one would consider fashionable, but I also don't want to dress like it's 2004 and I'm in high school.
Anyway, after I had been at the mall for about an hour or so, I was crouching down briefly to look at a sweater on a bottom shelf. As I stood up, my head started to spin, my vision started to blur. Dammit. I hate when this happens in public. At home, I can just lie down, but in the middle of a busy shopping mall, not so much.
Fortunately, it was brief. I took a couple of small steps and moved my head a little so that I wasn't staring off into space so much and no one would notice. It passed.
Unexpected loss and genius ways of getting out of eating sushi.
All right, so I lied (to myself, and to you).
I weighed myself this morning.
Yeah yeah, here's the justification: I know I ate too much yesterday. Too many carbs, too much sodium, everything that should bump up the scale. I figured then if I didn't have a loss (or worse, I had a gain) I could blame the party food.
Well fortunately, I was down a pound from whenever I last weighed myself (Friday? Saturday? I don't remember). Which is good news. The only problem I am going to have is if I see the same number this Friday. This should be a busy week though, so I shouldn't wind up with too many hang ups.
As far as the party: I managed to eat very little prior to the party. There was a going-away reception thing for a friend at church so I hung around and ate a few pieces of fruit, then when I got home from church I ate a handful of cherry tomatoes and about 1/4 of an avocado (that was leftover from Husband's sandwich), so I was already over what I had planned to eat prior to the party.
Once I got to the party, I initially got a bloody mary because the bar/brewery this party was at has great bloody marys that are on special on Sundays. I ordered it spicier than I prefer so it would take longer to drink.
When it came time for food I had a plate of it. I made sure to keep everything very separate on my plate, so it looked full without actually being totally full. This still ended up being the largest quantity of food I have consumed in quite some time and my stomach was killing me from all of the grease and sugar.
I did manage to stop at that plate though. I kept a beer in my hand so it appeared as though I was consuming, but did as much talking as I could so that I didn't have to drink it (even though it was a beer that my friend made, and it was delicious, so it was an added challenge to not drink it).
After the party: Somehow, Husband wanted to go out and get dinner. I was still full from the food in the afternoon! Luckily, he suggested sushi, and I'm pretty good as keeping things light at sushi. My go-to it the Naruto roll because it is just fish wrapped in cucumber (no rice, no other fillers) and it's about as low-cal as you're going to get. The best part, however, was that prior to sitting down, a friend of ours who we had invited, said she didn't like sushi because it reminds her of embalmed frogs. So here's what I did: while I had the sushi in my mouth, I thought hard about dissecting fogs and cats in undergrad (which is really unappetizing) and I literally started gagging, had to spit out my sushi, and told Husband that all I could think about was dissecting animals (thanks to our friend) and now my sushi was ruined. He laughed at me and said "That's fine, we can take the rest home for the dog".
So even though I definitely consumed more than I had hoped, it was also less than I had feared, and I'm patting myself on the back for getting out of finishing my already small quantity of sushi. Small wins.
I weighed myself this morning.
Yeah yeah, here's the justification: I know I ate too much yesterday. Too many carbs, too much sodium, everything that should bump up the scale. I figured then if I didn't have a loss (or worse, I had a gain) I could blame the party food.
Well fortunately, I was down a pound from whenever I last weighed myself (Friday? Saturday? I don't remember). Which is good news. The only problem I am going to have is if I see the same number this Friday. This should be a busy week though, so I shouldn't wind up with too many hang ups.
As far as the party: I managed to eat very little prior to the party. There was a going-away reception thing for a friend at church so I hung around and ate a few pieces of fruit, then when I got home from church I ate a handful of cherry tomatoes and about 1/4 of an avocado (that was leftover from Husband's sandwich), so I was already over what I had planned to eat prior to the party.
Once I got to the party, I initially got a bloody mary because the bar/brewery this party was at has great bloody marys that are on special on Sundays. I ordered it spicier than I prefer so it would take longer to drink.
When it came time for food I had a plate of it. I made sure to keep everything very separate on my plate, so it looked full without actually being totally full. This still ended up being the largest quantity of food I have consumed in quite some time and my stomach was killing me from all of the grease and sugar.
I did manage to stop at that plate though. I kept a beer in my hand so it appeared as though I was consuming, but did as much talking as I could so that I didn't have to drink it (even though it was a beer that my friend made, and it was delicious, so it was an added challenge to not drink it).
After the party: Somehow, Husband wanted to go out and get dinner. I was still full from the food in the afternoon! Luckily, he suggested sushi, and I'm pretty good as keeping things light at sushi. My go-to it the Naruto roll because it is just fish wrapped in cucumber (no rice, no other fillers) and it's about as low-cal as you're going to get. The best part, however, was that prior to sitting down, a friend of ours who we had invited, said she didn't like sushi because it reminds her of embalmed frogs. So here's what I did: while I had the sushi in my mouth, I thought hard about dissecting fogs and cats in undergrad (which is really unappetizing) and I literally started gagging, had to spit out my sushi, and told Husband that all I could think about was dissecting animals (thanks to our friend) and now my sushi was ruined. He laughed at me and said "That's fine, we can take the rest home for the dog".
So even though I definitely consumed more than I had hoped, it was also less than I had feared, and I'm patting myself on the back for getting out of finishing my already small quantity of sushi. Small wins.
Sunday, December 13, 2015
Ganache and gauche
I'm waiting for Jameson Irish Whiskey Ganache to cool in my fridge so I can go to bed. It's 1 am. My stomach hurts because I haven't eaten since breakfast this morning (though I managed a lot of beer since this afternoon) and while making these Irish Car Bomb cupcakes for a party tomorrow I taste-tested enough of the process that all of the fat and sugar are making my stomach feel terrible. That was stupid.
On the plus side, Husband commented this morning, before we went for our run, that he thought I looked skinny (which he said as he touched my stomach). I told him no, it's probably just because I just got up and my body is all stretched out, so I look longer. I'm not thinner.
Primarily because I'm not. I haven't lost anything in the past week. I decided I'm not going to weigh myself until December 18, because that will be one month since I really started restricting again. Even though I don't expect to see much of a drop between now and then, I have lost something since November 18th and I can call the total loss the amount for the month. It ought to be enough to keep me going.
I spent a lot of time around people today. I'm awkward, to say the least. I'm pretty sure I hold eye contact too long, because people tend to look at me like "what?" or "um, okay, go ahead". Does that make any sense? I would much rather be alone all day.
Christmas party tomorrow (hence, the cupcakes). It should be easy enough to avoid food until the party (it's in the afternoon) but parties are tricky. It's rude to not overeat, so it requires a lot of strategy which I haven't quite figured out, but I know it's going to involve keeping a drink in my hand. Look guys! I'm consuming something!
On the plus side, Husband commented this morning, before we went for our run, that he thought I looked skinny (which he said as he touched my stomach). I told him no, it's probably just because I just got up and my body is all stretched out, so I look longer. I'm not thinner.
Primarily because I'm not. I haven't lost anything in the past week. I decided I'm not going to weigh myself until December 18, because that will be one month since I really started restricting again. Even though I don't expect to see much of a drop between now and then, I have lost something since November 18th and I can call the total loss the amount for the month. It ought to be enough to keep me going.
I spent a lot of time around people today. I'm awkward, to say the least. I'm pretty sure I hold eye contact too long, because people tend to look at me like "what?" or "um, okay, go ahead". Does that make any sense? I would much rather be alone all day.
Christmas party tomorrow (hence, the cupcakes). It should be easy enough to avoid food until the party (it's in the afternoon) but parties are tricky. It's rude to not overeat, so it requires a lot of strategy which I haven't quite figured out, but I know it's going to involve keeping a drink in my hand. Look guys! I'm consuming something!
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