I'm not into him. But his wife is perfect. And in my mind, if he's married to her, but he wants me, that makes me better than her.
And I'm certain he's not into me. But men want me. It's not a secret and I can't pretend that men find me repulsive. I'm popular and an uncomfortable number of my male friends have what I would call "crushes" on me. I pretend to not notice, but I'm aware. And I'm fairly certain that if all the men want me and my attention is focused on him, that makes him better than all the other men.
It's a weird mess and everything I hate about him are all of the things I hate about myself.
This is trouble calling.
ReplyDeleteNot judging, just saying.
love you honey
I really get that mindset. Not proud, but I had a thing with a married man back when I was 16-17. One thing I realized is that no matter how good our relationship (if you can call it that) was on the outside, he would never love me like he loves his family. Sometimes I think married men are more attracted to the taboo and thrill of an affair more than appearances.
ReplyDeleteBut it's a confidence boost, to know that men want you. It makes you feel powerful in a way. You here so much about men taking advantage or using women, but I've always felt that I've had the upper hand. They think I'm putty in their hands, but really, I've got them wrapped around my little finger.
If you need to chat, my email's on the side of my blog. I'm the last person to judge when it comes to men, married or not, and I can really relate to a lot of what you wrote here.
xxxx