Wednesday, November 18, 2015

Back at it. Hopefully.

My binge eating has gotten completely out of control. Where do I begin?

I quit my job in September. It's the first time I've ever quit a job in my life. It wasn't as scary as I thought it would be. I think mostly because I knew I was in the right. I was being very taken advantage of and I basically told my boss that she needed to rectify it or I was leaving. So I left. So now I am searching for a job.

I think it may have been the stress of the job throughout the year, but I gained SO much weight. Seriously. I gained about 30 pounds! In a year! GROSS! Which wouldn't even be so bad if last year I had been legitimately skinny, but I wasn't. Fit, yes, but skinny, no.

So I feel disgusting. I'm officially medically considered "overweight". I have a BMI of 26.6! I had to go out and buy new jeans because all of my clothes are too small. I can't do this. I need to be smaller.

I'm at the point where I don't want to be seen in public. Even if I cover up my body (thank you fall weather!) my face has even gotten fat. I have canceled so many plans because I just can't bring myself to be seen by any one.

And I'm visiting my family again this Christmas. For any one who has been reading this for a long time, you know how horrible that is when it comes to weight and food. So I need to be thinner. They haven't seen me since last February and I was a good 20-25 lbs lighter then. I can't show up there looking like this.

I haven't made some "plan" cause of course I don't stick to them. Just to stop eating so damn much and get my ass off the couch. That's been one of the biggest problems. I almost never ran this past year. I was sick for pretty much the first three months of the year, and later in the year I wound up with stress fracture in my foot. (How the hell that happened, I don't know but it kept me from running) If I'm not running and doing yoga at least 5 times a week, I get fat. That's just what happens. And it did happen.

So this morning I have had a cup of tea. I fed the dog breakfast so I'm waiting for his food to settle and then I'm going to take him out for a run.

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