Movie review

Looking for some good thinspo? Like to get it in the form of movies?

I have an instant Netflix account thinger and that lets me watch some good movies. If you don't have one, get one. My husband and I used to be all Jewish about it because you can sign up for a one month free trial and then cancel it before they charge you. The secret is that you can do this as many times as you like as long as you use a different email address to sign up. You can use the same credit card number but it doesn't charge it if you cancel it on time so I guess it doesn't really matter. But my husband got sick of doing it that way so we now pay for it. We don't have a TV so we don't have a cable bill so he figured it would be worth it.

The only down side is that not all of the DVDs they have available are "instant watch" capable so you have to pay extra if you want access to all of the movies and then you have to wait for them to be shipped.

But I digress....

I have found two more good thinspo films (actually they are both documentaries) if you are interested.
The first is called Picture Me



It is a documentary of model Sara Ziff (if you don't know her name, you will know her face from commercials and ads). Her boyfriend filmed it about her and her modeling. The film focuses mostly on money, work, eating habits and youth. I thoroughly enjoyed this film and the women in it are STUNNING!

The second documentary is called Ballerina



It is about five ballerinas from the Mariinsky Theater in Russia. It has some clips from the pieces the girls perform as well as a look at their rehearsals. It made me miss ballet so much I cried while I was watching it. Although I think part of my crying was over the fact that I used to be thin and muscular and could move like the dancers in the film, it also had a heartfelt feel to the film without making you feel sorry for the dancers. Their determination and self-control is amazing.
I highly recommend this film, whether you are a dancer, used to be a dancer, always wanted to be a dancer or just like watching bony women.
You can also find most of this movie on YouTube. But it's a little harder to watch that way.

Unemployment

So I can't find a job.

My husband and I moved to the Midwest at the beginning of February and I still can't find work. And it sucks for two major reasons.

1) I think my husband is starting to think I am not trying
2) I have WAAAAYYYY too much time on my hands to eat eat eat

So I have been slowly gaining weight since a little after we moved here. It also sucks too because I am not active. My bike was stolen when I lived in Pennsylvania so I can't go for bike rides. There isn't a good place to run (although I do it anyway) because the sidewalks here are short and will just randomly end on a busy highway. No good hikes or places to fish or any kind of remotely physical activity. We were playing frisbee at night because it warmed up for a bit but it has gotten cold again and our hands get too cold to play.

AND my husband loves junk food. His two favorite foods are brownies and cookies so they are always in the house. Which again, if I HAD A JOB, I would be busy enough to not have to worry about the food around here.

I have applied for literally almost a hundred jobs. The problem is, my degree doesn't really qualify me for anything (It's Neuroscience, I am starting school again in the fall, that's why we moved out here) and none of crappy jobs will take me. My husband thinks I am "over-qualified" for retail and waiting tables and customer service and all the other lousy jobs I have applied for.

My inability to get a waitress job really surprises me the most though. Waiting tables was kind of my "fallback" option because I HATE doing it but I am really good at. I enjoyed my previous job as a pharmacy technician but figured if I couldn't get that out here I would look for something else and wait tables as a LAST RESORT. Well, I have even applied as a last resort but I can't even get a waitress job.
I feel like a fat failure.

That's probably why they won't hire me. I'm too fat.

Success?

Yesterday I went for my first run in my new Vibram FiveFingers. It's crazy how different my stride was. It took me a little while to get the hang of it - being so used to running in sneakers. I used completely different muscles and felt my form changing as I got used to them.

They recommend slowly transitioning from sneakers to FiveFingers so I only ran a mile and half. A VERY short distance for me, but I figured better safe than sorry.
Well, I am GLAD I didn't run any farther. Today my muscles are BEAT. Now, I used to be a dancer so there is a good chance I used these other muscles at some point, but not for years.

I can't wait to get back out there in them tho. :)

Confidence

I love this video of Nicole Richie. It's funny if you watch it how confident she is that she is making the right choices for her kids. The other mothers on the show with her act like what she is doing is so appalling but you can see the embarrassment on their own faces as she explains this. It is disgusting how addicted to sugar and junk food our nation is that they would be SHOCKED she doesn't give her kids kool-aid. That stuff is instant make-it-yourself poison. I wasn't allowed to drink it growing up and neither will my kids be. And when you don't drink it, you don't get a taste for it. The stuff still grosses me out because it has no flavor. But we find this shocking.

An apple a day

So, I pretty much can't stop reading Mark's Daily Apple. It is a good insight into "modern wisdom" and why popular diets don't work. I've been cutting out grains lately and feeling really good. I certainly have more energy.

Also, I ordered some Vibram FiveFingers and I am excited for that. I have had so many problems with my knees and my feet lately from running. I picked up a book called Born to Run and they talk a lot about Nike, shoe companies and why running shoes are probably the worst thing to happen to the running industry. Mark talks about the Vibrams on his website too. My best friend from back home has a pair and she loves them so I am really looking forward to having them.

I have set a new goal. My husband's cousin is getting married on May 7th in San Diego. It will be my first time on the west coast so I really want to be as thin/fit as possible. I am hoping to lose ten pounds by then and tone up my arms as I, no doubt, will be wearing a strapless dress to the wedding.

Also, I have looked at FB pictures of their friends out there... Every one in San Diego is good looking. Ugh.

Can we talk about this?

So... How about that new Diet Pepsi Skinny Can?



If you google the image you can find lots of articles about the notion of it promoting anorexia. It certainly was the first thing that crossed my mind when I saw it.
But maybe Pepsi is just trying to keep up. If you think about it, Diet Coke has long had the reign in being the beverage of choice for girls who don't eat. There's no real shock value in that. Do we have a right to be so appalled by Pepsi when other companies have been doing the same thing a lot longer?

Secrets

It's hard to hide weight loss from a person you sleep naked next to every night.

He's gone all day at work and he has to work this Saturday too. I miss him a lot while he is at work but a part of me isn't that sad because it's easier to not eat during the day when he isn't around. He likes big breakfasts on Saturday morning but that won't be a problem this week.

Here's the problem though.

I don't have a problem lying about when I ate to people I don't really know. But I promised myself I would NEVER lie to my husband. About anything. When it comes to food, it is hard to hold to that. So I have to eat small amounts of things during the day. And I have to say, it is MUCH harder to eat a little of something than to eat nothing. But he has noticed my weight loss and has been asking what I ate during the day.

So I will have a bite here, a bite there. I even made a sandwich yesterday and took two bites and threw the rest out so I could say I ate a sandwich.
I hate throwing out food. I hate wasting money.

It still feels like lying.