Empty is subjective

Is it sad to be turning off the lights in your house to make sure your neighbors can't see you taking shots of whiskey alone at night in your house? Wishing we had our blinds back up in our kitchen.

And by night, I mean 6:20 in the evening. I want to go to bed, I was supposed to have plans but my friend was sick and had to cancel.

I feel like I've eaten a monstrous amount today.

Looking back at the reality I had:

A bite of leftover chicken and rice
A handful of peanuts
An orange
Chips

The problem with the chips is that I haven't been portioning them out. The bag claims to have 5 servings (of 130 kcals each) and I have been slowly snacking on them throughout the past 3 days. I haven't made it halfway through the bag, yet every time I mentally calculate the calorie consumption, I call it 500.

I also keep counting the smoothie I made this morning that I didn't drink.

I intended to, but I never drink it right away. I have to prove to myself that I can control my food intake, and a smoothie never tastes as good when it has been sitting out for a while, so by letting it sit I am less likely to drink it quickly, and more likely to make it last throughout the day. So every day when I make a smoothie for Husband and myself, I put mine in the fridge and make sure I don't drink it for at least 3 hours. Today, I put it in the freezer to keep cold and left the house forgetting it was there.

So anyway, in my head I have had roughly 3,000 Calories today but looking at the itemized list, I can be sure it's less. Since I am too exhausted to run tonight, I want to just sleep. but my brain is too alert so I turned to my trusty friend ethanol. Two shots of whiskey and a 12 oz beer later (empty calories is subjective... are they empty if they are the only way I'll get to sleep???) and I'm only just starting to feel a bit more calm. Maybe one more shot (each one being AT LEAST 100 kcals... FML) and I'll be able to get some shut-eye.