I've found myself wanting to have a kid lately. This is madness of course, because I like my lifestyle too much and know realistically I would be miserable if stuck with a child 24/7 right now.
I just want to be the best at things, and this is hard to explain. It's not about wanting to parent perfectly, it's just that I have always been the one who is "ahead" of things. I graduated high school at the age of 16 with a full year of college already under my belt. I get things done. But at this point, I'm almost 30 and every one I know has kids. And the people who have kids think very little of the people who don't. They talk all day long about how life is just easy and wonderful until kids come in to the picture. I'm very looked-down on for not having them. It doesn't matter that my husband and I both work full-time, have a dog, a house, church responsibilities, do volunteer work and are otherwise active in our community. We are "less than" because we are not parents.
Again, this is madness. I am WELL AWARE of the fact that this is not a good reason to have kids. I just feel like by not having them, all of my "success" is only temporary. That as soon as I do, I will get fat, tired, lazy, I'll stop running, dump my career, and no longer be "impressive". So the challenge would of course be to have kids, and still juggle everything with a smile on my face to show the world that YES! I am worthy! I work hard and have value as a woman because I have brought life into the world and still manage to keep everything going!
Terrible reasons, but it's where my head is.
I get it. I don't want kids and am not having kids but I still feel left out, and looked down upon for not having any. I can barely stand to hang out with my husband's friends. It's all baby baby baby and I have to pretend to be so interested. It's hard to not be a part of something everyone is doing and places so much value upon. They don't have to raise your kids and pay for the kids if you have them. You do. Which you know.
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