Thursday, October 20, 2016

Narrow miss

Tonight was supposed to kick off four straight evenings of food-centered social events. Fortunately (sorry dear friend) the children of our friends whose house we were supposed to be going to tonight are sick so they had to cancel. That's one less calorie-packed evening. I might be able to pull off one night of "not feeling very well" throughout the weekend, which only brings me down to two major food/drink events. I'm trying to run up a very large deficit today and tomorrow. I already ran off 600 calories today, and it's nice and cool out so it will be easy to bike to and from work. Between that and the running I should be at about 1,300 Calories burned with exercise (maybe since our friends canceled and I have the evening free, can even manage to sneak in one more run tonight). Then tomorrow I am watching my friend's kids during the day and they love to run around outside so that's a few more Calories. Then eat/drink tomorrow (but try to keep it to a minimum), then pull the "not feeling great" card on Saturday, then it's only one more food packed night on Sunday.

I'm actually quite good at refusing food until I'm drunk, which sucks because I love to drink. I would even be content to just have the alcohol calories, but of course, once I pass my "too drunk" threshold, I fucking binge. It's awful. And I know it's coming, but every time I'm like "this will be the time I don't stuff my face while drunk, I will have self-control" but I haven't actually managed it. Maybe that will be my over-arching goal this weekend. Make it through the whole weekend drinking, but not bingeing. Maybe a 2017 New Year's resolution?

I am a shitty doctor.

Speaking of being a doctor, did I mention I got another job doing that? Working out of a friend's office. Guess who one of my friend's patients is. Yeah, it's the amazing wife of my "man-friend". I feel so shitty when I'm around her because a) she's so much more amazing than I am on all levels, and b) I know that I am consciously trying to steal the attention of her goddamn husband. I'll admit, it felt a little good that she called me "Dr. real-last-name" though I immediately told her not to, we know each other and even in an office setting she should just call me by my first name. She was in the office yesterday and all I wanted to do was crawl into a hole and hide because she's so nice to me, and I don't on any level want to attract her husband's attention to hurt her, and hopefully I'm not. Hopefully I'm not even succeeding and this whole fucking thing is all made up in my head, because she doesn't deserve any lack of anything in life. But that's the worst part! There's nothing about her husband that I'm particularly attracted to, except that his wife is so great, and I want to feel great. So literally the worst part about what I want is everything I don't want. OMG. If any one I know in real life reads this, please put a gun to my head because I am the worst person.

1 comment:

  1. Well, congrats on the new job!!!
    Autumn can be a challenging time, we all know it. Days getting shorter, every time you are up for a good run it pours, every time the weather is perfect for running you have a bad cold, people are mean, and everything else.
    Right now I'm so fucked up I can't even bring myself to blogging :-/
    stay strong darling