I'm not delusional. I know this isn't going to make me happy. It never has.
There are all the reasons in the world for weight loss. And yours are fine, but don't kid yourself.
This won't bring happiness.
I've been searching around for new blogs to follow, as so many people no longer post. And it seems like every one says the same thing.
"I'm doing this so I can be thin and happy"
Well, I've got some bad news for you.
Have you ever read one of these blogs? Is any one happy?
Sure, there are moments of happiness. The number on the scale went down, the clothes became looser, that one day you didn't eat all day and you felt fine.
They're all small victories, but they don't bring real happiness.
As I've mentioned many times, I grew up around this. I've seen it last lifetimes. My grandmother and her sisters are around the age of 80, and they are saggy bags of bones. They've always been thin because it's their obsession. But not one of them is happy. They take comfort in their exercise and their perfectly portioned "meals" (even when they go out to eat, they take their meals in Tupperware which is horribly embarrassing).
But never are they happy.
Happiness has a lot of of biological factors, and nourishment is one of them.
In Marya's book (which most of us have read) she references a study in which a group of young, healthy men were put on a diet of just under 1,000 Calories "they began to: stash food surreptitiously, talk about food constantly, chew gum and mints perpetually, read recipes for dishes they couldn't make. As the study went on, they were frequently caught digging through garbage cans, sneaking into the hospital kitchen to binge. They began to purge and - interestingly enough - they became incredibly worried about their weight, the shape of their bodies, and began to diet. They worried about getting dirty, got disgusted with their own biological functions, and didn't want to touch food anymore"
The Minnesota Starvation Experiment might be that study. Hard to say because some of the facts sounds little different. I would have to read more into it.
But the bottom line remains the same.
I'm not intending to criticize. We all have different reasons for behaving the way we do. And if you want to be thin, this might work. But it won't make you happy. So, if that is genuinely your goal, I suggest you find something else.
Ugg! 80 year olds who can't kick and ED. I so do not want to be one of those people. It's ridiculous. I keep saying I hope I'll outgrow this obsession but there is a good chance I won't. Thin does not equal happy on its own. It's a pipe dream. You are so right.
ReplyDeleteIt's been years since I read Wasted, but I heard about the Minnesota study not that long ago, and immediately thought of it when I was reading your paragraph
ReplyDeleteI learned about the study here:
http://180degreehealth.com/2010/03/ancel-keys-and-the-biology-of-human-starvation
and here:
http://gunpowder.quaker.org/documents/starvation-kalm.pdf
The idea of doing this at 40 is horrifying. The idea of doing this at 80 is unspeakable.
Heck, the idea of doing this for another 5 years is still wretched. Hanging on to the idea that *SOMETHING* will be better once I am "thin" again (unlike some in the ED world, I am/have been genuinely overweight) creates a fragile layer of hope over the whole thing. I don't believe it at my core, though.