Monday, February 9, 2015

Vodka doesn't smell. And you're drunker than I am.

Well, I've found a job; as Dr. Aye Ell (not my real name, obviously), at a small private practice. My boss hired me cause I'm skinny.

Unfortunately, I'm not skinny. For real. And I almost feel like I deceived her in a way. I was about ten pounds skinnier when she hired me three months ago. She's a kind person, but shallow to boot. She has passed up other doctors likely more qualified than myself, because they are too fat. Her reasoning is that we preach health, and we can't teach tell other people to be healthy when we are - and I'm paraphrasing here - fat slobs. I didn't realize the extent of her obsession with skinny until I had worked there for a few weeks.

When I interviewed for the job, I didn't even know if I wanted it. I found out through a friend that this woman was hiring and I figured I would go talk to her; see how she practices, what she is like, etc. We visited for about an hour, and I left with a job offer. A week later, I accepted it.

What I didn't know going into the position, was her obsession with being skinny. She's tall (even taller than I am, which is rare) and slim, but apparently used to be even thinner. She is constantly either dieting, or talking about dieting. She walks around the office saying "nothing tastes as good as skinny feels!"

What have I gotten myself into?

Her boyfriend is dying of cancer, and do you know what she is most upset about? He used to outweigh her by 60 pounds, and now he weighs just less than she does. She was so upset about this! Not that he is dying, but that she weighs more than he does. She can't deal with it.

So now we are on a diet. Well, not yet, but we will be. She ordered us some diet pills with the justification of "We will take these, and if we lose weight, we will sell them in our office."

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little excited that some one bought me diet pills and is making me take them, but I realized going into this that I don't like dieting with other people. I don't join the group fasts that go around on these blogs, and I don't like talking about dieting with people I know. I think it reminds me too much of growing up around food obsessions and how annoying I found it all. It just feels like sadness.

Anyway, we haven't started it yet. Haven't decided when to start it. My family is coming out to visit me (for the first time ever) next week so I kind of don't want to be "dieting" when they come out.  My hypocritical mother would not be happy with me if I was trying to lose weight (even though she is the same size as I am and is constantly trying to lose weight. Hypocrite). 


  1. Does she care that weight does not determine health?
    Does she care that you can improve health without losing weight?
    Does she care that weight cycling is more dangerous to your health than being stable at your high weight?
    Does she care that shaming fat people does NOTHING to lower weight or improve wellness and in fact has the opposite effect?

    This sounds like a very unhealthy situation. Plus I've been following you for years, and you're thin. As far as I know, you've never not been thin. I'm not talking about 10-20 pounds of yo-yo weight from restricting, bingeing, and purging. I'm not talking about the weight that you want to lose but can't (or can't keep off) because your body sees that weight as essential and fights you to lose it.

    You are a normal weight and your boss is telling you to take diet pills. Not healthy. If you were overweight and your boss were telling you to take diet pills, it would still be unhealthy. If that's the attitude she is giving her clients (Nothing is more important than being thin! Here, put an unknown, untested compound in your body to see if it fixes your grossness!) then she is the one failing to teach and model health, not the people she passed up for a job because they didn't suit her aesthetic preferences.

  2. Congrats on the job, but... wow she sounds horrible. My stomach flipped when I read that paragraph about her boyfriend. I don't know why anyone, overweight or not, would want her managing their health. It sounds like maybe she has some problems of her own she isn't facing, but putting you all on diet pills as guinea pigs is just wrong.

    I hope you're able to work in that environment without it negatively effecting you. If not, I hope you're self-aware enough to get yourself out before it does any damage to your self.