Just like last time, baby is past due.
Baby has measured large this whole time. Currently estimating over nine and a half pounds, plus apparently large babies have more amniotic fluid so my abdomen feels like it's going to explode. It also looks like it.
I gained more weight with my daughter than this pregnancy, but got fewer stretch marks last time. I've only gained about 16 pounds total this pregnancy but the stretch marks started when I had only gained 6 pounds. Meanwhile people like my sister or friend who delivered twins can gain over 40 pounds and not get any stretch marks.
I've used every recommended moisturizer and then some, hydrated, eaten healthy foods.... Still going to look like a deflated balloon for the rest of my life.
Hating my body. Not just how it looks, but functions as well. My body doesn't produce much relaxin while pregnant so my cervix never dilates, my breasts don't develop so I can't breastfeed very well (don't let anyone tell you breastfeeding is purely "supply and demand"... there's A LOT more to it than that). I always wanted 3-5 kids but I don't think I can birth another one. My body wasn't made for this and I hate it. I wish adoption wasn't so expensive but then again this is probably God's way of telling me I probably shouldn't be a mother anyway.
I'm sure anyone who has struggled to conceive would call me selfish, and maybe I am, but this sucks and I hate myself.
I was just thinking about you a couple of weeks ago and thought that you must be getting close to your due date!!
ReplyDeleteFrom knowing you over the years, I don't believe that this is "God's way of telling me I probably shouldn't be a mother". I think it can be natural to hate pregnancy, but not necessarily motherhood. It's not all sunshine and unicorn farts, but you have soldiered through it all with immense strength.
I'm guessing you've already tried it, but I've always use Bio Oil for stretch marks (and any scars in general) because I got them on my hips during puberty, but I'm not 100% convinced that it helps a great deal beyond the usual fading over time.
I'll be keeping you in my thoughts as bub #2 gets ready to make their debut. Stay strong - you've got this!!
xx
Hey lovey,
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry I somehow missed your post! I guess by now you probably delivered and hope all went well. I'm sure you're a great mom!
Sending lots of love your way
Hey, just popped by and read this post. I am really sorry you're struggling. Hope all is well and going better for you.. Love to you.
ReplyDelete