Saturday, November 9, 2013

The shrinking game.

So, I pulled it off. I managed to drop 9 pounds in the week before my trip. Of course, I know that's mostly water weight, blah blah blah, but I'm fine with it. And I did so much drinking over the 4 days that I was gone, I gained back 3 pounds. But I'm fine with it. I saw pictures of myself on vacation and didn't even hate them. I actually felt a little weird about it and I have one picture I can't stop looking at. It's a picture of me and three of my friends on the beach. On the inside, I was terrified of taking the picture because in it, I was standing next to a girl I have noticed from day one, and how skinny she is. She's not like, the skinniest person at my school or anything, but she's skinny. And then after I got home, she sent me the pictures that we took. And my waist is much smaller then hers. My arms and legs are a little bigger, but my waist is definitely smaller. I couldn't believe it. We're built differently, but we are objectively, about the same size overall.

Why can't I see it?!
There are other pictures from the weekend of me too. My collarbones are more noticeable. My arms just slightly less disgusting.
I've spent so much time since I got home, staring at myself in the mirror, trying to figure out what I actually look like. I'm not THAT skinny. I'm not underweight. There's no need for concern. Sure, I'm on the low end of normal for my BMI and that's with a lot of muscle mass from working out so much, but I still see myself as a fatass.
The pants I bought for clinic three months ago were a little tight when I bought them, now they are hanging off of me.

And I think I look exactly the same.

1 comment:

  1. I relate!!! Thank you for posting, omg, I feel less alone now. Why is it so hard to know how we look?? It sucks not to be able to trust scales or mirrors. Pictures are key. Glad you had fun and look so damn good! ;)