EDTWT

 Weird times and feeling old.

 I was scrolling through the comments on a YouTube video that had nothing to do with dieting or losing weight, but the content creator was thin and the first comment said something to the effect of "edtwt is coming for you"

On a hunch (experience?) I accurately figured it was ED Twitter, so I googled it.

Since you need an account to really explore Twitter, I made an account and started browsing the ED content. 

So weird. So different from the 2008 days of ED content online. It's mostly quippy sayings with weird memes making reactions to the quippy sayings. The few "thinspo" photos that exist are very obviously AI or HEAVILY photoshopped and it sent me into a weird introspective spiral of "Am I old? Is this motivational? People know this stuff isn't real, right? This isn't even motivating because it's so obviously exaggerated... but are people raised in this digital world thinking this is real life? Is this better or worse than my earlier days of starving?...." and so forth. 

It was a strange experience. 

I'm not saying nothing from "my day" was photoshopped (some of it obviously was) but this just seemed like a whole other level. 

I'm off to keep scrolling because it's late, I'm tired, and endlessly curious. 

Yearly

 My father-in-law was diagnosed with brain cancer last fall. There is a higher probability we will be moving back east. 

And my head is primarily focused on 1) the monetary expense of moving, and 2) how much fatter I am than when I left. Especially because all of my female friends have had children since I moved away and not ONE of them weighs any more than they did pre-kids. Even the ones who have had five children. I don't have the heart to explain that my weight gain was sort of intentional, it feels too hard to explain, so all I have is my larger frame that will automatically signal that I've "let myself go" or was "too dumb to not gain too much weight during pregnancy" (not true, I hardly gained anything while actually pregnant, it was all post-partum, see previous posts)

My husband is likely losing his father in the near future and I'm thinking about losing weight. 

Selfish. 

I have not changed.